Things That Scare Us: Being Easily Startled
Someone walks into the room quietly, you turn around, and your heart jumps into your throat. As a licensed mental health counselor at Therapy with Enid, I work with highly sensitive women and with anxiety, and this post covers being easily startled as a highly sensitive person, how it differs from trauma-related hypervigilance, and what helps. It is part of my Things That Scare Us series, which began with scary movies and HSP women.
What Being Easily Startled Feels Like
Some people enjoy being startled, perhaps for the adrenaline. If you are not one of them, you know the rush, the pit in your stomach, the tight chest, and the feeling that you cannot breathe. A good surprise can still be fine, and even then many of us need to know a little of what to expect.
In practice, you may not want people sneaking up on you or hiding to scare you. Even a quiet person who walks up behind you can be too much, because you knew they were in the house and not that they were right there. Hide-and-seek can be fun for children, and some of us felt anxious and startled as the seeker got closer even though it was only a game.
Being highly sensitive is a trait and not a disorder, and your preferences about surprises are yours to keep.
Trait or Trauma?
An exaggerated startle response is also one of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), along with nightmares, flashbacks, avoiding reminders, and feeling constantly on guard after a frightening event. Sensory processing sensitivity, by contrast, is a lifelong trait, and being easily startled can be part of it. The two can look alike and can also exist together, and sensitive people do tend to report more anxiety, so both can be true.
When to Get Help
If being startled is new, has gotten worse after something frightening, or comes with flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, or avoiding places and activities, consider talking with a licensed mental health professional. Trauma-focused therapies and anxiety treatments such as cognitive behavioral therapy work well for many people, and hypervigilance that disrupts your life can improve.
What Can Help When It Is Part of Your Temperament
You do not need to be treated for being sensitive, and you do not have to keep pretending to enjoy being startled. A few things can help:
Ask people to announce themselves by calling your name or making a little noise as they approach.
Skip the startle games, including jump scares and hiding to surprise you, without apologizing.
Calm your body afterward with slow breathing, since slowing your breath can lower arousal for some people.
A simple request to a partner or family member can go a long way, such as “Please say my name when you come into the room, since I startle easily.” For more on naming what you need, read my post on naming what you want and my guide to what HSP means.
You are not broken, and this is not yours to fix. It is yours to understand and accommodate in the way that helps you live well.
Therapy for Anxiety and Sensitivity in Florida
If you are a woman in Florida who sees herself in this post, I would love to support you. I am a licensed therapist, and I offer online therapy in Florida for women who want to understand their sensitivity, calm their nervous system, and feel safer in everyday life. If worry and overwhelm are a big part of what you are carrying, you can read more about anxiety therapy in Florida. Contact me to tell me a little about what you are looking for, and we can talk about whether working together feels like a good fit.
Enid DeJesus is a licensed mental health counselor who provides online therapy in Florida for high-achieving, highly sensitive women. She helps women understand their sensitivity and calm an easily startled nervous system, including anxiety that comes with it. Her approach is warm and solution-focused, and her work centers on practical skills for anxiety and sensory sensitivity. If being startled leaves you on edge, she would love to hear from you.
